Saturday, July 14, 2012

Keep the good coming!

Monday blastocyst transfer it is! WOOHOO!
Yesterday I just had this strong feeling all day, I guess you could say a peace, that everything was going good and I was going to get a call this morning saying we were pushed to Monday. I was feeling better physically, I was in a very good place emotionally, I even e-mailed Jenn to say I was in an exceptionally good mood and I only had 2-3 oz of coffee (I'm just trying to drink enough to keep my system moving if you know what I mean... I cannot get constipated like I did last time, and hey, I know what works for me!). :)

Fast forward to last night... fell asleep quickly, slept pretty well except I already pee like I'm pregnant (side effect from the retrieval), but sometime probably starting around 3am or so I was just having constant dreams (and restless sleep) that I wasn't going to get a call this morning for a Monday transfer or they call to say that all 11 embryos are crap. That devil is a mo'fo, I tell ya. I was just praying for God to give me peace and to take this fear, anxiety, and doubt away from me, especially after how good I was feeling yesterday. And that it didn't matter when the transfer is as long as our baby or babies are in that mix.
So, we wake up this morning and are just chilling in bed, and it gets past the point (8:15) at which I thought I'd receive a call. So, I tell Matt that I guess today is the day and we were both a little bummed. With 11 embryos, you just gotta figure that you're going to have enough good ones to be able to go to day 5, so we thought if we weren't getting the call, even though we had a better fertilization rate, something was still very off with the DNA. So, we're cuddling and just being a little mopey and telling ourselves it doesn't matter as long as we have "the one" and bam, phone rings. I tried not to sound like a giddy school girl when I answered, but we were sitting there high-fiving each other while I'm trying to remember what the nurse is telling me about my new appointment time (11:15 for bloodwork, 11:45 for transfer on Monday). Then a little happy dance, dogs invited into the bed (this NEVER happens folks... I knew Matt was thrilled just by that... haha), and more high-fiving and hugging occurs. This is what we've been hoping for!!

I was also feeling like man, how could my feelings have been SO OFF yesterday. I mean, I was just sure we were going to get to day 5 and had (and have again) such a peace that things are going to be better this time. So, selfishly, I was glad I wasn't misreading that even though a day 3 transfer is not a bad thing. There are still no guarantees, don't get me wrong. I know people that have put in two perfect blastocysts and didn't get pregnant. :( But, it's just nice to be "beating" our benchmarks from last time in every aspect as we move forward with this round. Ultimately, if we don't end up with a healthy baby (or babies) in 9 months, it doesn't matter. But, we are hopeful and as ready as we could be to become parents (which is to say that I'm scared shitless, pardon my French but that really is the best way to describe it, to be a mom but so very excited too).

Oh, and duh, they gave me NO DETAILS on how many embryos we still have or how they are graded (I talked to a nurse not an embryologist). That part kind of sucks, but I figure we must have 4-5 that are graded the highest today for them to push us to Monday. Again, doesn't really matter as long as we end up with the one(s) God has made for us and will entrust into our care. Will update after the transfer Monday!

Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. -Psalm 139:16

1 comment:

Jordan Rothwell said...

Yay! I love reading good news for you all :) Keep me posted on how everything goes... I've been praying. Xo.