Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Happy Hallow's Eve!

Happy Halloween!  We had our little work Halloween party at the end of the day yesterday, so I threw this on for the party.  It was hilarious because I don't think most people realized what the heck was going on.  I thought it was pretty self explanatory, but I guess not.  :)  Matt is gone tonight for work (boooooooooooo), so I had him take my 18 week pictures last night.  Keeping it real with end of the day makeup and hair that's a result of going to bed with it wet the night before (some days, it's just not worth caring).  :)

Some friends in the 'hood are having a little pre Trick or Treat get together at their house, so I am going to go hang out there for awhile with the dogs and try to get home before the masses hit the streets and think we're total bah humbugs.  I LOVE seeing the little kiddos all dressed up, and I especially LOOOOOOVE the kids with good manners.  It kills me how many kids just stand at the door and then walk away after you hand them the candy, no acknowledgement or anything.  Thankful for parents who taught me the virtues of good manners.  But, it won't be as fun without Matt.  Last year we posted up on the front porch, wine in hand, Halloween music playing, the pups dressed up and passing out licks as we handed out candy.  :)  Can't believe we'll have a little pumpkin (besides our Maddie girl) next year!

Can't wait to see pics of your little ghouls and goblins and princesses and pumpkins all dressed up!

P.S.  I popped last week.  Seriously, came out of nowhere!  It was funny too because my friend Meredith told me at church the previous Sunday that 17 weeks was the turning point for her as far as the belly, and bam.  It was!

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Jumping on the bandwagon...

At least for this week.

How Far Along: 17 Weeks

Baby's Size:  About 5 inches from crown to rump and weighing in at a whopping 5 ounces!

Gender:  I have a secret... we found out at my 12 week nuchal translucency ultrasound.  :)  We will confirm in two weeks and then we'll probably go public.  I didn't want to know and Matt did, so we had the u/s tech write it down on a piece of paper.  Well, once I had that it my hands (and Matt was convinced of what he saw... I didn't look), it didn't take more than 15 minutes for him to open it and reveal it to me.  I will never forget that moment, and I must say, for someone who was previously adamant that I would not want to know the sex of my babies before they were born, I don't regret knowing for a second.

Movement:  Maybe.  My OB said if I thought I've felt something, I probably have.  But, I'm still not convinced.

Sleep:  What's that?  ;)  It's just okay.  I am tired and I generally fall asleep pretty well, but I just wake up A LOT.

Maternity Clothes:  Not really yet.  I wore maternity pants twice this weekend, so I'm getting there but I'm still mostly wearing my usual clothes (and using the belly band with pants).  I've gained +/- 7 lbs so far (I'm not really sure what my starting weight was because I almost never weigh myself except at the dr), so I guess that's pretty good.  I swear, 2 lbs of that is in my boobs.  Good lawd!

Symptoms:  Sleep issues and resulting tiredness, headaches (not usual for me), expanding abdomen, fascination with said expanding abdomen, some things even I don't feel comfortable saying on the interwebs (hehe).

Aversions:  I think I've actually gotten over most of my aversions.  But, the thought of eating yellow squash is repulsive.  So random.

Cravings:  Root beer, salads, sushi, soup (I always crave soup when it starts to cool down though).

What I miss:  This is a funny question to ask someone who did (thankfully just) two rounds of IVF and already lost one little nugget.  NOTHING.  Yes, I miss drinking beer and eating raw sushi and drinking wine and sleeping well and not getting almost daily afternoon headaches, but not in the grand scheme of things.  I know how lucky I am, and I feel grateful every day this little babe is growing bigger and stronger.

Feelings toward pregnancy:  Amazement.  Awe.  Fascination with the changing body.  Joy.  Gratitude.  Disbelief at times.  Humble.  I love my little belly (not because I think it's pretty but just what it represents), however I think Matt is scared of it.  Haha.

Best moment this week:  Hearing that sweet heartbeat on Monday and getting good results on my AFP bloodwork!

What I'm looking forward to in the next week:  My University of Florida Fighting Gators kicking the Dawgs' butts (pleeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaasssssssssseeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!).  Go Gators!

It's hard to tell from the picture, but I think I really popped this week.  Not so much that my belly looks bigger in general (I'm sure it is), but it used to be that my stomach was pretty flat when I got up in the AM and until I got some decent food and drink into me.  It is definitely not flat anymore.  Also, the skirt I'm wearing above is one that I wear fairly frequently, but it's a little big usually.  It fit pretty well the last time I wore it (probably two weeks ago), and I am pretty certain that yesterday was the last time I will wear it for a long while!  It's just funny to me how quickly things change when I don't even realize they are.

Friday, October 19, 2012

16 weeks and other musings

Hit the 16 week mark on Wednesday!  2/5 of the way there.  It's definitely flying by and in just under 3 weeks, we'll get to see Baby O again!  Woo to the hoo!

13 weeks, 14 weeks, 15 weeks, 16 weeks... looks like growth to me.  Although the camera angle at 13 weeks is probably a little misleading.
New this week besides the beginning of "the line" is that I read that I am no longer supposed to be lying on my back.  Now, I'm a stomach sleeper anyway, so this isn't a huge deal.  Except that it's becoming uncomfortable to sleep on my stomach, particularly if my bladder is partially full (which seems to be all the time).  So, all of a sudden, I wake up every hour or so on my back.  And, I really don't want to change positions.  Just funny that as soon as I can't sleep on my back, now I want to!  :)  Enter the body pillow I will be purchasing today from Amazon.

I've survived two WODs back at CrossFit and feel good.  A little sore but I feel stronger and more in shape already.  It's amazing what using your muscles can do for your psyche.  I think I was somewhere around 230# on a one rep max (1RM) deadlift (DL) before I took my hiatus, and I hit 175# yesterday.  I know I could've hit 185# but I'm trying not to overdo it.  The nice thing about the DL is that it is an exercise I should be able to do throughout my pregnancy, and it works several large muscle groups.  The trainer and I talked, and he assured me that he has trained many a prego in the past and understands the fine line between stressing my body in a good way and stressing the baby.  It basically comes down to my heartrate, which I am aware of.  So, for example, instead of pullups in Monday's WOD, he had me do the ring rows because they would not spike my heartrate as much (since my hands were not directly over my head) and since the KB swings would get my HR up (and they did).  It's just nice to know that I'm not the only one that's making sure that what I am doing is okay for me and baby.

Gooooooooooo Gators!!!!!  I wish I was going to the game, but it's probably a good thing I'm not because I think we've lost the last two SC games I attended... maybe three?  Yes, I am superstitious when it comes to college football.

Going to be a gorgeous weekend here in Atlanta and hope the same for you!

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Just stuff

Work is crazy, but crazy can be good (when it equals job security said the girl who works in an industry hard hit by the recession and who has been laid off twice!).

The Gators are #2 in the BCS.  NEVER (ever ever ever) would I have imagined that at the beginning of this season.  Wow.  We've got some big games coming up... South Carolina this weekend, Georgia next weekend, Missouri the following weekend (though Vandy beat them at home, so I'm not so worried about that one), a few fluff games (much needed), and then our most hated rival, Florida State in Tallanasty.

I survived my first WOD back at CrossFit after an 8 month hiatus.  Three rounds of 25 kettlebell swings and 25 pull-ups.  Rx was 53# on the KBs and unassisted pull-ups.  I did discover that I can still bang out some unassisted pull-ups (it's all about the kip, my friends), but they modified my workout big time.  The trainer wouldn't even let me do pull-ups, and instead I did ring rows.  I could've handled the pull-ups (assisted), but I appreciate that they are looking out for me (and baby) and easing me back into it.  I also only did 25# KB swings.  I would have probably gone for 35# if they let me pick, and I am glad they didn't.  My HR was high enough with only 25#.  I picked up a 53# KB to put it away for another girl when the WOD was over, and I laughed.  Holy crap, I forgot how heavy those things are!  Being pregnant also means no burpees.  I could get used to this!  :)

Some days I honestly wonder if the baby is growing in there, because my stomach can be so "flat" (relatively speaking, of course).  But, I think I'm just getting used to what it looks like now, because I definitely cannot button any of my pants.  But, last night I took a bath after CrossFit to try to help with some of the soreness I knew I'd be experiencing, and I noticed that all of a sudden, the linea negra has started to form on the lowest part of my abdomen!  I swear, it came out of nowhere.  So, obviously things have to be "working" if that's starting to happen.  I really don't spend a lot of time worrying if the baby is okay, but after having so many appointments up front, it is weird to go 4 weeks without any checking in.  I have an OB appointment Monday, so I will look forward to hearing that sweet heartbeat on the doppler to get me until my 19 week u/s.  :)

Oh, and the Ryan Bingham concert was fantastic, as always.  Not that I can feel it, but I am quite certain baby was busting a move or two or at least doing the foot tap and snap (patented move).  I saw another prego there, and I was happy knowing that our children will be exposed to good music that you don't hear on the radio.

Lastly, I think I might need this for Halloween.  Hilarious.

Au revoir for now.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

15 weeks

The last few days, I'd been wondering if my belly was actually getting smaller.  It's pretty flat when I wake up in the morning... not as flat as pre-pregnancy, but still.  Then I go through a day and the result is the pictures above (and these were taken before dinner).  I think it's safe to say that I have a real, live baby bump.

Then this morning, I grabbed a pair of pants that used to be a little big on me, so I thought they might fit (as in, I'd be able to zip and button them).  Yep, WRONG.  I can zip them, but it's not comfortable... they don't even come close to buttoning.  Not.even.close.  (Thank you belly band!)  They are also a bit tight on my rear and thighs, which leads me to...

I'm going back to CrossFit next week.  I am both excited and nervous.  I haven't done CrossFit since February, before I started my first round of IVF.  And even then, I was less than stellar in my attendance (thanks to a 6 am class and a girl who hates to get out of bed).  I am going back twice a week in the evenings, and I am going to modify and scale BIG TIME.  I just need something to motivate me, especially since we're about to enter into the time of year when it is dark every day when I leave the office.  This does not make for safe dog walking after work.  I've had mixed thoughts about going back - pregnant and after an 8 month hiatus - but I know myself and my abilities, and I know I won't push myself beyond what is comfortable.  I'm just looking forward to getting back into a bit of a routine and using up the last three months of my membership.  I will decide in January if I want to try to continue through my third trimester or just come back when I get the all clear to workout after the baby... even then, that will only be through my maternity leave, because I know I won't be doing it once I'm working full time with a baby.  On my maternity leave, I can attend the Women's class where there's childcare available (and God willing, my child just takes a nap in his/her carrier during that time).

Besides that, I'm still feeling tired but otherwise good.  We are going to a Ryan Bingham concert tonight, which should be interesting because I could REALLY use a nap today and it will be a late night for this girl.  At least baby's first concert is a good one... gotta start 'em young!

P.S.  Childcare in the city of Atlanta is outrageous... I already knew this, but not only are the waiting lists forever long, you have to pay to get on them, and then "tuition" is $1200-$1500 per month!  Craziness.

Friday, October 5, 2012

That dolla make me holla

So, no idea where that post title came from, but whatevs.  I don't even watch that crap show!  We got our test results back, and our risk factor went from 1 in 61 to 1 in 10,000!  Praise the Lord!  Like I said before, and I can't stress this enough, if our baby has Down syndrome or any other number of things that could be, it doesn't change anything.  But, obviously, no one wishes for these things either.  So, needless to say, we were surprised the results came so quickly and relieved to have a better answer and hopefully put this behind us.

When Matt and I took the dogs for a walk Wednesday night, he said he'd had a very vivid dream that we got the results back and we were very happy.  And then he said all day yesterday, he was wondering if I'd heard anything because the dream was just so much more vivid than usual.  I guess I'm passing off some of my psychic abilities to him.  ;)

Anyway, thank you for your continued prayers.  I know they helped sustain us during the waiting period.  Here's to hoping the rest of my pregnancy is uneventful!!!  If I can be praying anything for you, please let me know.  xoxoxoxo

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Second Trimester... and randomness

Why yes, that is the same dress as I wore for my 13 week picture but in a different color.  :)
Second trimester... where's my energy?!  I feel it slowly creeping back, although I really think my exhaustion is as much a function of my sleep the night before than it is placenta making at this point.  Other than the sleep issues, I am feeling good and I have been in much better spirits than I was when I wrote my last post.  Matt had a dream that we got the results and Baby O did not have Down syndrome.  I thought that was a good sign.  My initial gut feeling was that the baby does not have DS, but I have gone back and forth on that since.  I just feel like there have been some signs that s(he) does, but then again, I am probably noticing things more now, you know?  I guess hopefully we'll have a better indication of it one way or another soon!

The thing I am most excited about is that my BFF and I are hosting a very small little baby shower luncheon in honor of another BFF this weekend!  Which means that several of my most favoritest people in the world will all be under one roof.  This makes me happy.  Also, the Gators take on LSU this weekend, and I am FIRED UP!  I am not expecting a win, but I am quite hopeful. 

Lastly, I did not watch the entire debate last night (I just get annoyed and I'm voting for Romney... I've known this since 2008), but from what I saw, I thought he did great.  I do not agree with his entire platform (or with parts, hello reproductive health/assistance, of Ryan's plan, which I don't see becoming a reality).  As I've said many times before, I am socially moderate to liberal even.  But, to me, this election is a referendum on the economy, and Romney is the clear choice.  If you don't agree, that is fine and the beauty of America... we can all go vote on November 6 and make our voices heard.  Plus, while I appreciate that Obama has publically announced his support of gay marriage, nothing has changed while he's been in office, so that alone does not earn my vote.  So, anyway.  I thought Romney was the clear "victor" of what I saw in the debates last night, and I hope many undecided were watching and agree that it is time for change... Obama had his chance and he has not delivered on many of his promises from 2008.  Time will tell.

Monday, October 1, 2012

Bump Watch 2012

Just so it's not all me on my emotional rollercoaster...

All over the place

That is the best way I can think of to describe my emotional state over the last six days.  Don't get me wrong, I am perfectly fine most of the time.  I am not generally sitting around dwelling on what might or might not be.  But, the devil attacks when you are weak and vulnerable.  And, boy, has he been on the attack.

First, please understand that I am still over the moon thrilled and excited and eternally grateful that as far as we can tell, we have a healthy baby in there... extra chromosome or not.  But, I can't help but play the various scenarios over in my head.  Like, I know that if things come back either inconclusive or positive for DS, the genetic counselor is going to be the one to call.  If everything looks good, it will likely be a nurse.  So, I know when that number shows up on my phone, my heart is going to drop into my stomach and even moreso once I hear whose voice is on the other end.  Matt has also informed me that I cannot relay the news to him (either way) until we are both together in person, meaning it could be something I have to sit with all day, good or "bad".  I also have really no idea when I will hear anything except that it will be between one and two weeks.  I am not counting on hearing anything until next week, but that's also another unknown that I've been playing over like will I need to leave work if the news is not what we hope or will I be okay?  And, I just go from thinking that s(he) definitely does not have Down syndrome and it's just a case of a false alarm to the opposite end of the spectrum.

The thing that is really bothering me is that I know the devil is coming after me, just like he has done many times throughout this whole journey.  And, it usually happens as I'm trying to go to bed or in the middle of the night.  Last night I was thinking about things before I went to bed, but it wasn't really a big deal.  I fell asleep relatively quickly for a Sunday night.  But, I woke up at 2:00 out of nowhere and just had all of this anxiety... thinking about what it would be like if our baby has DS, how I would tell Matt, how he would handle it, that we really need to get life insurance, playing through the scenario if I hear that everything is totally fine, etc.  I literally was all over the place with various anxieties.  I prayed and prayed and prayed that the Lord would calm my mind and my heart and just prepare us for whatever was ahead, and He did eventually, but it was a struggle.  And, needless to say, I am just plain pooped today.

In the grand scheme of things, I am at peace with this, but I just want to know one way or the other.  I don't think I really need to say it, but we don't want our child to have Down syndrome (duh).  But, I know that God has a plan for us, and I will accept and embrace whatever that is just like I've tried to do throughout the 30 and a half years of my life.  I can think of many worse things than having a child with an extra chromosome, but it is still not what you dream about... and it's not about the baby, it's all about our dreams and our expectations.  But, the what ifs get you nowhere.  If I truly trust in Jesus, and I do, then the worry is absolutely pointless and not a testament of my faith.  I will not let the devil get the best of me.

I have been praying Philippians 4:6-7, Jeremiah 29:11, and Psalm 139:14 among others, including the verse I've claimed for myself and my life, 2 Corinthians 5:7.  And, I hope this hasn't come across as whiny, because that is not how I intend it... I don't feel sorry for myself at all.  It's just where I am in processing this part of our journey, for better or worse!  And, although I can't tell you where I stand emotionally, I can tell you one thing for sure; I already love this baby with all I have, and I know that love is only going to grow.