My sweet cousin miscarried her first pregnancy. In writing how she felt about it after she conceived again, she said that through prayer, she and her husband had come to the realization that the little spirit that was meant for them was not present in that first pregnancy and that's why it was not viable (paraphrasing). I didn't think too much about it at the time and felt it was as good a reason as any to justify something like that.
On Mother's Day, I was talking to one of my best friends and said something about if I had gotten pregnant all the times I wanted to before Greer, particularly referring to the first IVF, I would not have her. It's possible I'd have a daughter named Greer Elizabeth but it wouldn't be her. It was a profound realization that came out of a very ordinary conversation. I literally had never thought of it this way, and it reminded me of my cousin's beautiful writings on her miscarriage and pregnancy. I was so caught up in getting pregnant and having a baby that while I knew that God was going to send us the little spirit that was meant to be our child and He knew who, when, how, etc, there is no way I could have possibly understood that until now... now that I know her and I cannot dream of a different child. She is perfect for us, and God knew this. His plans are always greater than mine, even when I question them like an impatient child. We can't possibly understand Him fully... He's so far beyond what we are. We may be created in His image, but we are not Him, and thank God (pun intended) for that! We would never get the full glory of His plans for us if we were fully in charge.
If you are struggling with anything now and questioning God, I get it. And it sucks. But when His plans for you have been fulfilled in this matter, I hope you have the type of realization I did this weekend and praise Him for the process. I hope you're able to praise Him for the process where ever you are in it, but if anyone realizes how hard that is, I do! There may be pain in the night but joy comes in the morning... and oh how sweet it is.
It could've been different, and thank God it wasn't.
Also, something I never shared... http://jennylaurenphotography.myshowit.com/greer/index.html. Love.