Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Funky (and long winded)

I've been in a funk lately. Work is just not really fulfilling me AT ALL right now, and that's tough for me. This particular job may never fulfill me again due to a lot of changes between our client and us. I don't want to go into too much detail, but it's just not a lot of fun right now. I get in these moods where I'm just so dissatisfied with it all, and then I feel guilty because there are so many people without work (especially in my field), so it's an unrelenting cycle. My current job is certainly not what I'd be doing in a good real estate market, but it has been a blessing and I've learned a lot. I've been praying a lot about it lately and just asking God to help guide me as to what I should do. I mean, it's not like there's a ton of work out there, so I probably just need an attitude adjustment and a swift kick in the butt. But, as is proven time and time again for me, He is in control, and I'm just along for the ride. :)

Other than that, October and November are busy travel months. I was in California this weekend visiting one of my best friends. She lives in Newport Beach, and I just love it out there. I love California period... Orange County, Central Coast, Wine Country... you name it. I don't live there for many reasons, but if it weren't for jobs, money, family, etc... I would love to live in Laguna Beach or Sonoma. Very different areas, but there are things I love about each... Laguna is on the ocean, it has amazing little shops, restaurants and art galleries and it's just a small town feel. In Sonoma, I'd want a lot of land so I could have a big garden and at least chickens, if not pigs too. Much like my best friend, I too have fantasies about a simpler life... living in the country with land, growing and raising our own food (not all of it, but a lot of it), and having lots of kids.

As of right now, if I could (which for the record, I cannot), I would give up my career and be a stay-at-home mom (which would obviously involve actually having kids... lol). I am very career oriented, but I'm just so dissatisfied with it that that is how I feel. And, as I'm sure most of you moms and moms-to-be have felt, there is such an emotional backlash one way or another... being a SAHM or a working mom. If you're at home, you might wish for your career and to be around adults and use your brain (and it's plain exhausting entertaining/chasing young kids all day). If you're a working mom, you miss out on all those moments with your child(ren) and it's a huge balancing act to go to work, do chores, spend time with your husband and take care of your kids, and have some time for yourself. No matter how involved your husband is, I still feel like the burden of parenting and keeping house falls more on the woman, whether it is self-imposed or not. Right now, even though I am not pregnant (not even "trying"), this is something that has been weighing on me a lot. And, then I wonder how my mom did it after my dad died... but then I remember she had me. Lucky her. ;) But, for real... a 12 year old, 11 year old and 5 year old... two in cheerleading, one in baseball... working full-time... plus everything else... she is super woman.

So, this post was supposed to be short about how I've been feeling (hence lack of posts as of recent... also just being busy), and in typical KO fashion, has turned into a novel. Just have a lot of things on my mind and heart (and not only selfish... a lot about friends going through some very tough times) right now, and I'm just praying for some peace about it all. My "troubles" are so trivial compared to so many, but I know God is listening.

So, anyway... my Istanbul post is still in queue, so until then I will leave you with a few California pictures.

a little ATL in the OC

Huntington pier

looking west from Kelly's rooftop terrace

looking toward the bay... rough life she lives out there :)

a really big beer at Mutt's

"the wedge"

body boarders


Laguna Beach

La Brea Tar Pits (LA) - not what I was expecting


Alyse said...

You've always been so wise. I love it! Thanks for helping us all keep the perspective :)

meghan said...

I just found your blog through another that I read, and what a fun treat to see your California pictures! I am a girl from Huntington Beach currently living in Phoenix...and I miss the O.C. soooo much! I'm sorry that work has you down, but very glad that I stumbled onto your page! Hope things get better!