On the Clock

{this is copied directly from the e-mail I sent to my "group", so if you get those e-mails, don't waste your time reading this again} :)

Alternate subject: SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS!


Unfortunately, those shots aren't of the alcoholic variety. ;) Okay, let's be honest, that's fortunate because my tolerance certainly is not what it used to be in my days of drinking double bourbon and sprites at Balls (the finest drinking establishment in Gainesville, FL). Anywho... Aunt Flo paid a visit Saturday morning, which means I was probably right on target assuming I ovulated on the 18th or 19th. One gets good at this sort of thing after paying close attention for over a year and a half. I've probably never been so excited to get my period. I went to the doctor early yesterday morning so that they could test my estrogen levels, and I got a call not too long after church letting me know my estrogen was looking good (34... it needed to be under 100, but really for me, it should be under 50 since I'm young and have no issues w/ estrogen production, so that's great). So, they said let's get you started tonight so you don't start growing an egg again! I need to grow lots of eggs at the same time and not let my body get started on producing the usual one before we start stimulating for many... and my ovaries have already proven that they do what they want.

So, last night was my first round of shots. It's the same as last time, except I'm doing one more shot with the Lupron (the small syringe). Not that this means anything to most of you, but there are a few readers of these lovely e-mails that enjoy the details... so, I've now lowered my dose of Lupron from 10 IU (which I've been doing since June 3) to 5 IU and I've added in one vial of Menopur (75 IU) and 125 IU of Follistim (the one that looks like a pen), which is 25 units more than I did last time. Their thought is that with the Lupron to suppress from the get go and the higher dose of Follistim, they'll get more eggs, and thus a higher chance of getting more than one "perfect" embryo. *fingers crossed*

My day 6 appointment will be Friday and day 8 will be Sunday. I'll have an ultrasound and bloodwork done at both of these appointments. I feel like we should have a pretty good idea of how things are going to go down on Friday, since we can benchmark against how things looked at my day 6 last time. If I go 10 days like last time, that would put the egg retrieval (ER) on Tuesday, July 10. I am pretty sure they are hoping to get me to the 11th or 12th with more mature eggs (14 retrieved last time, 13 mature). Then we pray like mad that we've got good eggs and good sperm and the embryologists do a good job. Thinking about that part makes me want to vomit.

Our church is doing a series on the book of Ruth right now. Yesterday, the sermon was based on Ruth 1:7-22. You can listen to the sermon here when it's uploaded, but basically, Naomi is mad at God due to the circumstances she's been dealt. Yet, she's honest with God about where she is and she doesn't turn away from Him. Ruth, Naomi's daughter-in-law, stands by her even though Naomi insists that she go back to her home, because the Lord has dealt "bitterly" with Naomi. The sermon struck a chord with both Matt and me. Partially because the guy who gave the sermon (not one of our pastors) gave a lot of background and history, which Matt really likes when it come to preaching the Bible. He wants the historical parts that back the story up... Momma Kath, I am sure that's not surprising to you. But, it was also good to hear that God is okay (more than okay) with us telling Him we're pretty pissed off sometimes. I am Naomi. I try to balance the pleas and "whys" to God with thanks and praise, but there's been plenty of serious conversations about being pissed about infertility, losing my dad when I was 12 then my gramps and Memere, losing Matt's dad, friends and family dealing with serious illnesses and loss of family members, etc. And, it's good to hear that God is glad that I am honest with Him. I don't think He makes bad things happen... but I know He has the power to heal and sometimes He doesn't, or not in the time that we wish. But, I also believe it will all make sense and that He will provide what we need, even if it's not always what we want. And, throughout all of this, Jesus is to us like Ruth was to Naomi. He's not going to leave us when things get rough... if we let Him, He'll not only walk with us but carry us through it. So all that to say, I guess, if you're mad at God, He can handle it. And He'd rather you come to Him and be mad and kick and scream and cry and yell than to turn away. All of the "bad" things in my life have been infinitely easier to deal with because I've had the faith that God is in control of my destiny. I truly believe it will all make sense and take comfort that I will see my loved ones who have gone before me again like no time has passed at all. This sucks now, but when we have a child or children, the pain that we've endured to get there will be worth it. Trusting that and hoping that this is going to work this time. If not, I'll let God know that I am mad, but I'll hang in there knowing I have a friend like Ruth in Jesus.

Whew, totally went off on a tangent there... don't think devotional writing will be in my future. ;) Soooooo, anyways, now that this is long enough (much longer than I ever intended), I hope everyone has a great 4th of July holiday, and I will give you an update on Friday!

xo
K

P.S. Romans 8:18-39 (love this- actually used Romans 8:25 on our Christmas card... seemed very fitting)
P.P.S. Sorta random but to put things into perspective as to how long we've been seeing the fertility doctor, if our first IUI had worked, I'd be having a baby this week if not already. Craziness.

Adding this one for the blogosphere - I know that seeing an RE for a year doesn't exactly qualify as a long time compared to what many couples endure, but we all know having to see one at all sucks.  And, I certainly didn't expect to be where we are now!  I just can't believe that if the first IUI worked, I'd probably have a baby in my arms today.  That ish cray, y'all!  I mean, I could have two babies by now (by two different pregnancies) if our junk was working properly.  Like I said, cray!